My sunshine 


Drowning in a sea of pain

Isolated and alone

Glaring longingly into the darkness

loneliness enveloping my mind

Choking out the light of joy

Making a mockery of me

By others laughter and bliss.

As I sit alone drifting further into madness

I sit in the park

The sun caressing my face

Birds chirping nearby

But I hear and feel not a thing

I fantasize about being in others places

As they walk hand in hand

Smiles fill their faces

As my heart swells with jealousy and envy

When will I ever break free from this desolation

Will nothing stop me from this swirling pit of pain

Going through the motions of life

Playing at life as it were

Watching myself as the meaningless of life wisps by

I feel myself sinking beneath again

I stretch forth my hand in desperation

And there is a caress

A gentle ray of sunshine

And sunshine was her name

And as the sun burns off the fog

So too did my burden start to dissipate

Still brow beaten from years of sorrow

Though now I had something to work towards

My spirit rose in strength

Willing itself to stand again

And as that sunshine beat down upon my granite heart

It pierced inside and gave life to beat again

So in caution optimism I walked on

My legs now strong

pressing towards the light

Filling my being with joy

So I press on

Day by day seeking my sunshine

She is so far away

Yet her light reaches me here

Touches deep into my soul

Healing years of pain

I know it is a long road

And I know the wounds are deep

But I know the resolve of my sunshine

Always bright and shinning

Full of love and hope and life

I cannot thank you enough for coming into my life

Pulling me from where I was

An eternity of gratitude I will endow

To my sunshine.

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Struck down but not destroyed


Do you ever feel pressed downPressed so hard you swear you’re about to break.
Having your emotions shatter
Like crystal on concrete
The fine dust of your sanity swept away by the winds of adversity all around you.
Leaving you torn apart as you desperately try to piece back together before anyone notices.
Why are we so concerned with hiding our weaknesses?
Do we think that pretending they don’t exist makes them go away or makes them better.
Do we really think others don’t see the scars from trying to continually stitch our lives back together.
When we rush the healing process so no one notices how messed up we are, things don’t truly heal properly.
Sometimes we need to sit with our emotions laid bare
Our lives ripped apart in front of us to be able to understand.
Understand how we got there.
What did we do?
What decisions brought us to that point.
And not blame anyone else.
Take responsibility
Take ownership
Own that pain, learn from it, grow from it.
Adversity doesn’t need to break us but can make us stronger.
Next time life beats you down, and it will.
Take the time
Take the time to weep, wail, and scream
Learn from your pain so it didn’t happen in vain.
For if we are able to grow from our pain we can then help others who find themselves there.
Be a blessing to those around you.
Don’t condemn them for being weak
But weep with those who weep and mourn with those that mourn.
Share in their pain and lift them up.
If we as society become our brothers keeper and show that love to one another we will all learn to love this life we have.

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Valentine of tears

Alone in this wasteland of sorrow I lay
The love of my life so far away
Wishing to hold her
Wishing her near
My heart torn apart as my face fills with tears

I cry to myself with arms empty at night
Longing for her touch to soothe in this plight
Why can’t she be here
Why so far away
Why must I remain here and why there must she stay

What cruel joke has hearts so far apart
Why bring them not together right from the start
Why the separation
Why the why casm between
Why only to behold my love solely in dreams

So today as loved are joined in there bliss
I must remain all alone all amiss

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Sleeping Angel

An angel rests beside me on my arm
No care for the world around
No fear of nothing no fear from harm

Content is she who slumbers beside
A sanctimonious visage
The epitome of trust in her resides

A kind heart and pure soul in my hand
A commitment to protect
To Keep from troubles life demands

Impossible to not love one as this
For kindness flows as a fountain
From an ever ending well of happiness

A perfect circle we are building
As one fount fills the other
And love grows as trials behind fading

Forgiveness and acceptance on tips of lips
A decision made prior
to nurture and care no matter what hits

We know storms will come
We know there will be trials
We know there will be fights
We know there will be tears


We know there will be sun
Be know we will overcome
We know we will make up
We know there will come smiles

With God at the center how can we fail
So we show each other his love
His love of a nail

So in this contentment she rests her head
Knowing I’ll watch over her
Knowing I’ll love her no matter what’s ahead.

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First world demise.

To seek solace in the spurs of others leaves one sorrily lacking.
Never able to truly shine in a world destined to repress.
For society seems bent on the stagnant progression of individuality.
Stifling dreams and bearing down on those brave enough to attempt to acend to something greater.
How is it that we have become such a loveless world.
We surround ourself with intrinsical ways to distract us from our isolation
When what we truly crave is for someone to take a moment to care.
Ear buds and iPods and kindles stifle the flame of friendship.
Separated by text before voice societal decrees.
Alas what is the solution
A radical one of turning off the over stimulated world and regress back to a world of third world values and first class love.
We pride ourselves on being advanced and prosperess.
While we sink into a pit of despair from over work and isolation from all that should be held in value.

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Irrationality of fear.

Fear clouds judgement
Where as
Caution steadies the mind

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Random thought

A little OCD never killed anyone.
People with OCD kill people.

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